20

I haven’t been writing so much lately, mainly because I wanted to communicate with myself first. It’s been strange lately.

It’s my 20th birthday, and for me, it’s a little bittersweet. The only way to describe it is, I feel weird. I’m living in a foreign country right now, and it’s summer.. on my birthday.. for the first time in forever. Plus, I’m without my mommy on my birthday for the first time in forever. (I know, I know) but you’re never too old to miss your mom❤️

I’m glad I get to experience these amazing things in my life. I am truly blessed, I just wish I could share these experiences, with the people I love most. I miss everyone at home tremendously, and today I am reminded of that, but today is also a reminder of all of the new friends I have. It is 10 AM, and I’ve already had at least 10 friends here message me. I have met some amazing people here, and I’m not going to overlook that today!

My wish today, is to manifest all of the wishes I want to come true! Happy birthday to me. Make it a good one, Teal. 🍰🎈🥳

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That Crazy Moon Energy

Do you feel it? The overwhelming feeling of change? I know I do! If you’re not on board yet, let me explain why you should get with it.

This full moon is a special one. Why? Well, the Harvest full moon is taking place on Friday the 13th, for the first time since 2000, and it won’t happen again until 2049! It also makes an appearance on Saturday, but the energy from a full moon can be felt days before the moon, and the days after.

The meaning: this moon is really emphasizing trusting the process. Trust in the Universe and trust that you are where you are meant to be. This is a hard one for me, and always has been. I am definitely guilty of questioning everything.. quite often. However, I have already felt the power of this full moon, and I’m hoping you all are too!

The date: Friday the 13th holds a strong association with death and rebirth, and feminine energy. Some may be wondering how to access the power of this moon:

Setting intentions: To fully harness the power of this full moon, you should set your intentions. If you don’t know what this means, or don’t know how, it’s very simple. Simply put your hopes and wishes, out into the Universe. The method of this can vary, but typically, you write them down or you can say them to yourself. I personally feel they are stronger written down.

Crystals: As some may know, crystal enthusiasts love to moon charge their crystals! Tonight is the perfect time to set your crystals out and let them soak up the power of this mystical moon!

Warning: This moon is also associated with passive aggressive energy! Make sure to watch out for these feelings and recognize them before you do or say something out of character!

Happy full moon everyone, have fun!

Acknowledging the Feeling

Universe, I’m exhausted. I can’t explain why.. but I am here, again. I know, I confide in you constantly, but I need something to change. I know it’s up to me, but I don’t know where to start. I don’t see the guidance that I know is there. I don’t see the path that is undoubtedly in front of me. I don’t understand, but I want to.

I am in the middle of the biggest, most exciting change of my life; and yet I feel sad, I feel confused, and most of all, I feel lost. One day I feel energized, ready for my new life to start. The next day I feel hopeless and like I am a fraud.

Sometimes I feel like I am living someone else’ life. Anyone else? I just feel like there’s the me that I know, and the me that everyone else knows. I tell myself this isn’t true, I’m not faking anything, but I can’t tell if I believe myself. That’s one of the worst feelings in the world for someone metaphysical; not being able to trust their gut. Especially, not being able to trust my instincts, about myself.

Honestly, I don’t know how to form this feeling into words on a screen. It’s confusing and somewhat hurtful. It’s hard to put out into the Universe that I don’t understand myself, when I’ve spent years trying.

There’s a lot of things I could say about myself, but what concerns me is what I can’t say; what I don’t know. One thing I would like to know is what that empty feeling is. The one that washes over you while you’re doing laundry, or at the gym, or in the shower. The one that comes out of nowhere and completely wrecks you. The one that makes you feel like all of your progress has been lost. That is what I truly want to know.

This isn’t a depressing, backtracking post. It is me acknowledging this feeling of the present, so that I can begin to work through it. This is a step forward, and I am proud of that. While these feelings aren’t fun, they’re REAL. It’s time to stop pretending that our lives are “picture perfect” for the internet. I want to see content about what’s really happening in your life. That’s the amazing content I want to see, that’s the bravery I want to see, and that’s the realness I need to see.

The Magick in Manifesting

Here’s the thing: I have always felt the magick. Whether I understand how to use it or not, it’s there. The problem I face is knowing what to do with all of it! There’s so many possibilities that I end up overwhelmed much of the time. I know there are people who deal with this too so let’s discuss it!

Focusing is a big problem I have. Meditating quite often, as I do, should help that, right? Wrong. I get in my head about every little thing. I am a perfectionist so it is nearly impossible for me to move to the next project, if the first one isn’t perfect, and if the original project is taking too long for me to perfect, I drop it. This is a huge problem among all of us! Why can’t we focus on our passions and live life to the fullest? What is stopping us? Why am I not living my dream life? I think we all know the answer to that question: ourselves.

Even if we consciously know the answer, that doesn’t mean we are consciously looking to solve the problem. That is something we need to change! I want everyone who reads this to take a minute, right now, and think of their biggest dream.. go ahead. Now, ask yourself why that isn’t your life. We can all justify not living our dreams because of money, children, or a variety of things, but in all reality the only thing stopping you, is you.

Manifesting: a necessity if you want to be successful. Whether you speak to God, the Universe, Jesus, Buddha, etc., it’s all works the same. Starting to manifest is easy, continuing the pattern is usually the difficult part for most of us. For those of you who do now know this terminology; manifesting is the act of putting your intentions into the Universe with a positive mindset. Everyone has their own wants and desires, but if you want some basic manifestations to start with, I’m happy to help:

I will be successful. I will achieve my dreams. I will be my best self. I will stay positive. I will work hard.

These are just some basic examples of what manifesting could look like, but everyone has their own way of doing things. Now, here’s the plan everyone: we’re going to stop wasting time and start living! I am tired of not living life to the fullest, aren’t you? That being said, take a moment to write down some manifestations you would like to put into the Universe today, or simply say them to yourself. Either way, I know this can change your life if you let it, so let it!

Namaste, Teal Brooke✨

Let’s Get Real.. Depression Talk

Hey all, Teal here. Today I want to address something that a lot of people are affected by: depression. First of all, I want to get something clear; depression is not (always) crying in the dark, watching sad movies.. It is laying in bed all day because you can’t think of anything better to do. It’s convincing yourself that you’re okay. It’s not being yourself, sometimes for months on end. There is a such negative connotation around the word depression in this society, let’s talk about why.

Children repeat what they see and hear in the media, which sometimes makes them desensitized to serious issues, because someone they look up to made a joke about it. I know when I was 10 I made fun of the kids who talked about being depressed, I’m not going to lie. I would say, “What is there to be depressed about?” Obviously, at 10 years old, I did not have the depth to understand depression, and that it does not need to have a cause. You can be living your dream life, and still find yourself depressed. It’a random and unwelcome.. kind of like you’re weird uncle at family functions.. why are you here?! Nonetheless, they both show up sometimes.. uninvited, so let’s figure out how we’re going to cope.

While there are many different methods for fighting depression, not everyone is the same. One method may work for one person, and not the other, and that’s okay. I understand, completely, that while someone is depressed, sometimes it is difficult to think about a way out.. I’ve been there. What I have found is the best method for me, is to address myself. That’s it. I talk to myself and try to reason. We all know that we are capable, but depression clouds our judgement. I have to look past the cloud of judgement, and see myself. When I finally find myself, I yell at myself to get my ass out of bed and do something I enjoy. Now, I’m not going to pretend there is a surefire way to “cure” depression, but I have found that doing something that brings you joy, gets you out of your head. I’m a singer. When I can’t feel anything, I sing. When it’s 3 p.m and I’m trying to find the will to get out of bed, I sing. Even if you don’t feel like doing anything, or don’t even feel joy from doing it at first, it is never going to hurt you to do what you love.

We know that therapy and medication are options, but that’s easy to lose sight of. I have been dealing with depression for about 7 years, and it was only 2 years ago that I decided to get on medication, and only one year ago I decided to go to therapy. Honestly, I felt ashamed. I know, I know.. but I did, and sometimes I still do! I didn’t want to talk to someone else about how I felt, because I didn’t know how I felt. Depression is confusing and painful, it’s not fun discuss. It has always been hard for me to talk about this topic, but that is why I am doing it. I know I can show others that it is normal to feel this way! A lot of children/teens, don’t realize how normal it really is to feel out of place. and that’s why mental health awareness needs to be normalized. No one ever informed me about the different mental health diseases in school, but I heard all about what a condom was in 5th grade, don’t worry. They made sure I was prepared to love someone else, but they didn’t make sure I was prepared to love me. Depression is completely normal. Don’t ever forget you’re not alone, and if you do, I’m here.

Namaste, Teal Brooke💫

Studying Abroad, Worth it?

Hi everyone! I am Teal, I am 19 years old, and I recently moved from the United States to Paraguay. A lot of people have pointed out how young I am when they learn of my travels. As some of you can relate, I am wise beyond my years in this body. However, I’m not going to pretend I’m too “wise” to not be scared shitless.. I am currently a junior in college, majoring in Psychology and minoring in Spanish. Some of you may have put the pieces together a little bit at this point, and have realized, Paraguay is a Spanish speaking country. Moving here was the logical thing to do.. I guess you could say?

I have a few passions; helping others, music, and traveling. I have always loved learning new cultures and learning new ways of communicating with others. While I still have a long ways to go before I am fluent in Spanish, it is so beautiful to me that I am able to communicate with the people here, even though they live completely different lives, with completely different cultures. I will never get over my amazement honestly. This is my third week here in Paraguay, and I can definitively say it is completely different from what I know. I will never see that as a bad thing, it is simply different. There are some things I love, and some things not so much, but overall, the experience is what I am here for. This is what I have been preparing myself for, for years.

While I was in high school, I attended college part time. Last year was my first year away from home, but also my sophomore year of college. I only moved 2 hours away from my family, but I found it very difficult to adjust. I called my mom crying.. a lot.. but when I finally adjusted, it turned into the best year of my life. My first semester was hard. I was in harder classes than the other people my age because I had already taken the basics, and more, in high school. I felt lonely, stressed, and overworked for the majority of the semester. I had also started a new job the first week of school, which in hindsight, was not the best choice. By the end of the semester, I had signed up to study abroad. This decision was not solely based on the fact that I felt so alone in my own country, but also because I wanted to experience something that made my soul light up. I wanted an experience that made me FEEL something. I was tired of not being happy. I was tired of not being myself. I was tired of being depressed. Obviously, moving to a foreign country, that I only had one friend in, was not going to fix my depression, etc., but to me, it was hope. Signing on to do something unexpected made me feel special. It gave me a reason to feel proud.

During my second semester of college, I fell in love with my school, my friends, my sorority(Alpha Phi), and my life. I felt like I had made a mistake deciding to leave because I had finally found my soul tribe. Of course, my friends will still be mi gente when I come home, but it hurt to leave. I said my goodbyes, and with tears in my eyes, I made a promise, to myself; “I will grow as a person, I will continue to learn, I will find the positive in every situation, I will explore new things, and I will have fun.” I am trying to keep this promise to myself every day that I am here, but it’s hard sometimes. Most days, I just feel like staying in bed and watching Netflix, but I realize that I need to live up to that promise for my happiness. As most people know, depression is not fun.. I was definitely worried about how well I would adjust being away from everything I know, but as of now, I have exceeded my expectations. I started college here, I have made friends, I have gone out, I have done so many things that I did not foresee happening, especially my first few weeks here. My Spanish has grown immensely in these few weeks, and it keeps on growing everyday. Making the decision to book the plane ticket is hard, but the ‘what if’s’ in life are harder. Taking risks is what makes life interesting. I am content knowing that studying abroad won’t have to be a ‘what if’ for me. I am incredibly grateful to be where I am in this life, and I am happy to have a platform to share the excitement.

Namaste, -Teal Brooke✨

This is Me

My first blog post… it’s so strange how something unknown to me, seems so familiar. I am excited to start sharing myself with the world, through this page. Sharing my light (and at times, darkness), is very important to me. I know there are people out there who are feeling the exact same things that I am, so who am I to not share my experiences and hopefully make someone feel a little less lonely? I understand how draining it can feel to be a moonchild, rainbow child, metaphysical, etc., but it’s also beautiful. Even if you don’t identify with any of those terms, everyone has a story to be told. Here’s mine:

Since I was a child, I have experienced an isolation. An isolation from other people, at times from myself, and from everything around me. I have always felt a distant from everything, but on the other hand, too connected. I am an empath, so I feel things very deeply. It is astonishing and confusing how one can be so connected, and yet so distant, all at once. As I grew older, I became less and less connected to myself, and everyone else. I now realize this was a trauma response, but even so, it has been a difficult trip trying to regain myself and regain my emotions. Throughout my adolescent years, I felt absolutely nothing. Believe it or not, those years were not the darkest. The most dim my spirit has ever been, was when I started to feel for the first time in years. When I was about 17 years old, I came to the decision that I wanted to feel something. I became more connected to myself, but less connected to other people. Now, I still feel the disconnect, but it’s getting easier as time goes on, to let myself feel. Finding myself has been a journey. I’m not done, and I doubt I ever will be. Every day, I find out something new about myself, and I find that exciting. I am forever evolving, and I have no idea what life has in store for me, but whatever it is, I’m ready.

Namaste, -Teal Brooke✨